Hello

8:29 PM
on the couch

Hio everybody. I am back. So, where have I been since April you ask? Doing absolutely nothing. Well, I've been doing my summer reading if that counts. Actually, not summer reading just, ugh. Anywaysssss I have to read a book for each honors class I chose, so 4 books total. High school is going to be difficult. Anywho on Monday I am starting my 2-week preparation program at my high school, so that'll be fun. So, I don't really have much to write about in the summer.  Oh yeah, I decided not to continue Breakthrough. I want to enjoy my summer, ya know? Plus I'd be missing 2 weeks for PYL(Pushing Your Limits). So yeah, see you next post.

picture perfect girl, offline

High School (dun dun dun)

5:03

So. I just submitted my high school course registration form. For classes, I chose: Honors Gateway English, Honors Biology, Algebra 1, and Global Studies. You see, freshman are only allowed to take 2 honors classes, if we were allowed to take more than one honors course I'd be in Honors Algebra 1, but since we can only have 2 honors courses I chose Gateway English and Biology.

For electives, I chose: Band(full year), Robotics, Spanish 1, and Fitness Fundamentals.

I honestly feel like I am going to fail my first year of high school. You see, my teachers are amazing, they really explain things so I understand, but they don't give us any homework-at all. In high school, we have to expect 2-4 hours of homework per night. That's going to be a really big adjustment for me, going from 0 hours to 2-4 hours of homework per day?

I haven't told you guys this but I joined the softball team. I got jersey #1, like I always do. It's my lucky number for some reason. But I have never played softball before so it's kind of difficult for me to play with the other girls who are all very talented at softball and have experience. I also feel really embarrassed when I don't catch the ball or when I'm running. I feel like people stare at me when I run, that's just a paranoia I have-but it's usually never the case.

So, in addition to Breakthrough, I am going to a 2-week summer program called Pushing Your Limits(PYL) which is for upcoming freshman to learn where everything is in high school, get a head start, do your summer reading, and meet other upcoming freshman.

I really hope I can make new friends there, because I am so terrible with meeting new people. It's usually if I am partnered up with someone in class when I talk to someone.

I'm not worried at all about how many people are going to be at my high school, since it's only going to be about 800 students. My old middle school was about 1,040 kids, so it won't be anything I'm not used to.

Well, today was Jordan's birthday. I gave him a stuffed cat.

I don't really know what else to say.

picture perfect girl, offline

I'm Not Positive

4:01 PM Eastern Time Zone~Computer desk

OK. I sound positive in my posts, right? Well, I can't pretend anymore. I am not a positive, happy person. I'm not depressed or anything, just not as positive as I make off to be in my posts. I usually add positivity into my posts nonchalantly, but now I will start paying more attention in my posts. Usually, I'd insert a smiley face here, but not anymore.

OK, rough note to start this post off on.

Lately, a wave of angst has been holding me down. I can't explain what it is, but I just feel it all the time. I keep getting nervous at simple things-like raising my hand in class. But it even affects my trust issues. Usually,I have a great sense of camaraderie when it comes to friends, but lately I keep replaying their words and keep thinking that there is some elaborate scheme their plotting against me. I love all three of them to death, but this wave of angst is killing me. I usually make small, esoteric puns or jokes with my group, mainly about my infinitesimal friend (aka Jen)  but lately I can barely mutter "hello" in the morning. I hate anxiety!

So yeah the equanimity of my mind lately has been extremely high lately. I hate to give a presentation in front of my whole class today, preparing for that was ludicrous. Not only is my teacher extremely 
fastidious, which is a good thing, usually, but my groupmate and I forgot lots of details. I bet you can imagine how that turned out.

Angst, malaise, oblivion, peevish,and maudlin have taken over my entire system. Oh yeah don't forget about anxiety.


picture perfect girl, offline 


Edit: Sorry for my vocabulary words. When I get stressed I tend to use intellectual-sounding words.